When she left me the first time my mum called me as I was smoking a cigarette out of my top floor window. I told mum what I intended to do with the window after my cigarette, so she called my aunty to come get me. The next morning I was on a flight to New Zealand. My mental health wasn’t good, it was actually very shit and since being here I have changed medication, told at least 15 different people my problems, spent time in the mental hospital and tried to end it all twice. My dads wife always told me “you are a very social person and you need friends around you a lot”. My friend Finn is seventeen, he is awesome, he cares a lot and I spend a lot of time with him. My other friend here is my uncle, who I hardly knew before arriving.
I see “Collin” once a week and talk about my problems, he is a psychologist and I trust what he says, I’m not going to tell anybody what we talk about but unfortunately what everyone thinks is the best solution for me is exactly the opposite of what we think is the best solution.
Hailey wanted me back, she went to great lengths to make me feel loved by her from so far away then for a reason i don’t know two days before I came back into her life she told me she has been seeing someone else and that it wasn’t a good idea to come back to her. Up until then the only reason I was getting better was for her.
I love my friends and I have some really cool mates who I look up to a lot. I need friends around me to be happy, but who doesn’t?. My cousins and aunties called me and offered their help, they wanted to help me get back to Australia so I could get on with my life. Similar to haileys effort my dad told me how good it would be for me to be home and how “all you need is some good friends around you” until it became a reality so for the first time in years my parents have put their heads together and managed to call my aunties and cousins before they could help and change their minds about helping me. So now I’m back to being worse than I was when I got here and everyday gets worse. I used to love my life, now I can’t stand it, I wake up longing to go home I sit either in my room or on the couch watching tv everyday just waiting for 10:00 when I take two quietipan and go to sleep.